Fate or Foul?

“It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.”

Or am I?


Is everything I do predetermined? Is my path in life already set?

Maybe there is no such thing as tragedy if everything is “meant to be”.

Maybe it’s Fate that I love Cheeseburgers.

If I didn’t, then I wouldn’t have been sitting in McDonalds, munching my cheeseburger, when the pigeon with one leg flew in and stole a chip dropped on the floor. Maybe that chip saved his life and he’ll now go on to do wonderful things in the pigeon world. Perhaps he’ll be an inspiration to other one-legged pigeons everywhere.

That pigeon could be the next Heather McCartney.

Damn you Fate.

I don’t have the answer but I know that Fate is a tricky bedfellow for someone who has lost a child. Fate means that what happened to my son could never have been different. Fate means that his beautiful little face could never have opened his eyes and lived more than 24 hours.

Regardless, Fate or Foul, I am most certainly changed forever.

“My fate cries out,
And makes each petty artery in this body
As hardy as the Nemean lion’s nerve.”

and if Mr Shakespeare is right, maybe Fate had better think twice before it F**ks with me again.



9 thoughts on “Fate or Foul?

  1. lovely nicky. don’t forget though that Fate, despite any tragedy, is also there to show us or teach us something about ourselves. Out of any fateful storm MUST come a rainbow & when we are able to take that road it’s leading us down, then we can appreciate what happened to us HAD to happen. Appalling circumstances or not. Fate’s job is to teach us lessons in life x

  2. Wow! This was an amazing piece of writing.
    I’m sorry for your loss. And you’re right, we don’t’ have the answers. But I hope that somehow fate will be kinder again to you.

  3. First time here, and I love this!
    Do I believe in fate? Not really. I think somethings happen for a reason, but I think we have more control than we think. Maybe not in everything, but in some things.
    I ask believe sometimes bad and good stuff just happens for no reason at all.
    Sorry that you have experienced such loss. xx

  4. Fairy wishes and butterfly kisses lovely. This was beautifully written. I am so so sorry for your loss. I am big believer in fate, until it deals something like this. It is so hard to sit here and say yes that happened for a reason just you wait and see.

  5. Nicky, I am so sorry for your loss. You write so rivetingly and beautifully, particularly your words for Elijah which I could not read without getting teary. I don’t believe in unchangeable fate although I do have a sense of a higher power. Whilst I’ve never had to face such a devastating tragedy, your words, “Regardless, Fate or Foul, I am most certainly changed forever”, say a lot about how I feel I need to deal with difficulties. I could sit forever questioning or try to move on, not the same, but forging a new path. Always easy to say; never easy to do. Wishing you healing, in time.

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